I'm back. Finally. Been totally out of commission since last Thursday with the bloody flu. An it was a BAAAD one. Have decided Malaysian doctors really SUCK! Big Time! Left the office at 10.30 last Thursday to see the doc. By the time I got to see her, it was 12.30. I tell you, so damn irritating and "san foo" to sit in the damned clinic with a high fever and chills for 2 hours! Not funny at all. Was also hungry, thirsty and feeling dizzy. And all the doctor did was see me for 5 minutes, give me flu medicine, cough mixture and lozenges..oh and get this .. 1/2 day MC ... ! anyway, didn't care, went home, ate and spent the next day and a half asleep. Routine was take medicine, sleep, wake up, eat, take medicine, sleep.. that's about it..horrible!!!! Was still awake enough to feel really crappy though...Thank GOD I'm better now...

Weekend was a total lost cause. Minute I got a bit better had to work on Saturday.. Stupid football event at Souled Out from 5 pm. til 2 AM..Had to miss Justin's performance because of this thing as well...Anyway, decided on a couple of things after Saturday:

1) I hate football. It's a stupid game that takes way too long

2) Malaysians are a bunch of kiasu assholes who don't follow rules, no matter how many times or how nicely you tell them, and they will break the rules right in front of you because they just don't care

3)Life is not fair. Wankers who don't deserve to win, do because they cheat and aren't shy about it.

4) There is no one above the age of 10 who looks good in face paint

5)My hair is better the colour it is, rather than sprayed with weird orange and white streaks in front

6) All men are idiots, drunk men are even worse, and drunk men you know are the worst!

Other than that, I guess Saturday was better than Friday, or Thursday. At least I was awake .. Some consolation...bleeechhhh...

Weekend gone, nothing much to show for it except a pair of panda eyes because SOMEONE wanted to talk again last night.. at fucking midnight!!!! Earlier cannot..no sleep till after 2 a.m. I am so sick of all this.There is no point in talking about the same old things over and over again if it's going to happen in the same damned pattern the next weekend. What is wrong with saying "whatever" and walking away rather than staying to have another fight? It's the same old bloody rubbish anyway..AAARRRGGHH!!

I just want to run off somewhere peaceful and happy...Away, away from all this. This sucks big time. Things and people that make me happy make him unhappy. So how? He doesn't really make me happy nowadays.. Now and then still ok, nice little moments but the crap is getting more and more.. I think I'm going mad! And the worst part is, I'm feeling guilty about making myself happy. But I refuse to give up the people I care about and I am not going back to what I was. Am happier being more independent and not wanting him around all the time. Sometimes nowadays, I don't want him around at all.. cause I know I'll have a good time without a huge bloody drama at the end of it...Maybe that's why I feel guilty.. because I enjoy him not being around. Crap, crap, crap!!! How?

Sigh, I really dunno lar...berconfused as hell. You know what? Fuck it! Am going to apply my usual..Leave it alone and move on because thinking about it solves nothing.. better to do things that make me happy.. Hopefully can ler