Everyone of the boyz is home safe and the worry period is over. Thank goodness Am just happy all went well and without a hitch.Boyz and girls, everyone has been marvelous in pulling together and getting things done. Time for us to look forward instead of looking back. Let's all have a wonderful Christmas and New Year celebration and bring in a nice shiny new start in 2005.

I don't know about the rest of you but this 2004 has been a year of ups and downs for me, with a lot of things happening, and we still have 1 more month to go. Hopefully there will be some peace and quiet and good times this December. Am having the turkey dinner thingy again this year so we'll sacrifice a big fat bird for a good 2005 ( and to fill our hungry tummies), plus all the other trimmings. All there is to do is to decide on the date and do the prep.
Fingers crossed for a happy, uneventful December. Party safe ppl

What a drama filled weekend.. And I'm proud to say that none of it was because of me. Time to write what Sue Lynn calls my weekend contact report.

First off.. Am a Mummy again Patchy popped this morning. Scared the shit outta me when I went out to feed them this morning. Poor girl couldn't find a corner so she had her babies in the litter box. Lucky it was cleaned and relittered last nigth. Anyway, 1 baby was out and cleaned and the second one was trailing the umbilical cord and placenta.. Settled them all in the nesting box and let Patchy do her thing...She had 1 more while I was showering so we have 3 little baby kitties.They definately belong to Papa cat and not Garfield cos they're all dark grey, black and white...Not a single trace of orange anywhere..Now all I have to do is read up how to look after them and find homes. Anyone want a kitten?

Other than new babies in the house, Isky and the boys got into some trouble at the rave on Saturday bcoz of smokin' up. We're all trying to help them sort out ASAP but still have to sit tight and wait. Poor Sue Lynn is super worried...but am sure it will all be ok.. It's just a matter of $$ ( as usual, it's Malaysia after all..). Can't help but feel sorry for the boys parents tho. The boys are to old to be scolded or controlled but at the same time stuff like this happens...
Oh well, important thing is to get it settled first. Everything else can be done after..Guess we'll all be partying safer after this one too. No need for anyone else to get in trouble after this...
The Christmas tree is up, on a slightly more cheerful note. Red and gold colour scheme with decor from Ikea.. Cos Mum can't find all the ornaments I've been collecting over the years.. Guess I'll slowly add to this tree.. Will ad a picture when I have time to snap one. Now all I have to do is start buying and wrapping presents.. No $$$.. aarghh! Presents, turkey, decor... Sighhh... And on top of that, my Mum will need RM2K in January to pay for my grandparents lots in the crematorium in Melbourne... OOOUUCCH!! Think I need to start buying lottery tickets, cos no bonus again this year...

Anyway, going to eat.. Hang in there Sue Lynn n Isky too. It will all be fine

Yay! It's Friday.. Looong afternoon spent traveling around.. Went all the way to Cyberjaya then to Astro and now finally back in the office... Astro again tomorrow morning.. Damn, so far away everything...

Party, party tonight.. Yay.. Bliss, Bliss with Edwin, Sue Lynn and Pipi.. Cool! Hope it's fun since we haven't been to Bliss in so long.It's the grand reopening so let's see what the new theme is...Will be good to go out and let loose... I think I need to.
Something wrong with me. Am feeling very restless and dissatisfied..perhaps no work to occupy my time..Nothing quite feels rigth and nothing much makes me happy.. At least the things that used to anyway.. No fulfilment and everything seems like a routine, same old, same old. Think I need a new distraction or hobby ior something, if not am gonna go mad!
Anyway, heading home now for quick shower and dins at Mum's... Happy Friday, hope it's a fun one for everyone...

Gosh, what a boring day. Fuck all to do ( like I should be complaining about this ) so have been surfing the net most of the afternoon. ( So, yes, I did do some work in the morning and there may be a lil rush project coming up). Anyways, here's what I found. It's about unicorns. Quite cool, or at least I think so

Creatures of the world's deepest forests and jungles, the unicorns are among the most noble and beautiful. They are guardians of the wood and glen, high spirited and even aggressive in their mating battles. Their white fur and silver hooves and horns mark unicorns as highly spiritual beings linked to the light of the Moon. As such, they are both Earthy and Watery in their energy. Notoriously shy of humans and wary of predators, it is said they can only be tamed by virgins. This is not to say they are easy to tame, however, and their horns can be deadly when the unicorn is aroused to defend itself. Herbivores, the unicorns come in a range of sizes, those of Europe being comparable to ponies in size, while those of the India are similar in size and appearance to Arabian horses. Unlike horses, however, unicorns have cloven hooves. The Greek Ctesius described them as a kind of Indian wild ass with a single horn and tremendous speed and aggresive behavior. Megasthenes similarly describes the Indian unicorns as unsociable and wild except during the rutting season. The spiral horns were prized by hunters in order to make drinking vessels for Hindus of the highest caste, vessels which could neutralize poisons (Rudiger Robert Beer, Unicorn: Myth and Reality, p. 18).

Unicorn hair, a traditional core component of many old wizard wands, has a silvery white light like moonlight. It shimmers with the spirit of masculinity tempered by worship of the Moon Goddess in her full, motherly aspect. Enchanted into a wand, unicorn hair lends it steadfastness and gentleness, along with the soft insight into things magical, emotional, and feminine. There is a quality of indescructability and incorruptible purity in unicorn hair which is ideal for wands intended for use solely for the good. The unicorn's spirit has, like the famous horn, healing properties.

For much more lore and scholarship on the unicorn and its history in literature, I highly recommend the above-cited book, Rudiger Robert Beer's Unicorn: Myth and Reality. Trans. by Charles M. Stern. New York: Van Nostrand Reinhold Co., 1972. The German title is Einhorn:Fabelwelt und Wirklichkeit.

Got a whole bunch of new pictures too. Jus emailed from his gigs in Bodega and Le Bernardin and the "End Violence Against Women" walk and Phoebe mailed over the pics we took in Mambo Jambo last week. Will have to resize and post them here once I choose some of my faves. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever posted pics or written about my Open Water course. Hmm. I think I will do that actually, since am quite free in the office. It'll take my mind off other, less happy and fulfilling thoughts.

Want to get a new tatt as well, probably on my inner ankle, but have to decide what to get. I don't want to get a tribal or any kind of band. Need to think what moves me or symbolises something in my life rigth now. Will slowly decide. Took me a year to decide on my current tatt design and haven't looked back since. It's been almost 3 plus years and I still love the way it looks.

It's good to look forward and think of other things. Feeling more cheerful than yesterday already, although still a bit depressed. Actually, not depressed, unsettled, restless are better words. can't quite figure out why though. Like I said, look forward and plan other things.
Anyways, am gonna go choose and resize photos. Laterzzz...

I'm back. Finally. Been totally out of commission since last Thursday with the bloody flu. An it was a BAAAD one. Have decided Malaysian doctors really SUCK! Big Time! Left the office at 10.30 last Thursday to see the doc. By the time I got to see her, it was 12.30. I tell you, so damn irritating and "san foo" to sit in the damned clinic with a high fever and chills for 2 hours! Not funny at all. Was also hungry, thirsty and feeling dizzy. And all the doctor did was see me for 5 minutes, give me flu medicine, cough mixture and lozenges..oh and get this .. 1/2 day MC ... ! anyway, didn't care, went home, ate and spent the next day and a half asleep. Routine was take medicine, sleep, wake up, eat, take medicine, sleep.. that's about it..horrible!!!! Was still awake enough to feel really crappy though...Thank GOD I'm better now...

Weekend was a total lost cause. Minute I got a bit better had to work on Saturday.. Stupid football event at Souled Out from 5 pm. til 2 AM..Had to miss Justin's performance because of this thing as well...Anyway, decided on a couple of things after Saturday:

1) I hate football. It's a stupid game that takes way too long

2) Malaysians are a bunch of kiasu assholes who don't follow rules, no matter how many times or how nicely you tell them, and they will break the rules right in front of you because they just don't care

3)Life is not fair. Wankers who don't deserve to win, do because they cheat and aren't shy about it.

4) There is no one above the age of 10 who looks good in face paint

5)My hair is better the colour it is, rather than sprayed with weird orange and white streaks in front

6) All men are idiots, drunk men are even worse, and drunk men you know are the worst!

Other than that, I guess Saturday was better than Friday, or Thursday. At least I was awake .. Some consolation...bleeechhhh...

Weekend gone, nothing much to show for it except a pair of panda eyes because SOMEONE wanted to talk again last night.. at fucking midnight!!!! Earlier cannot..no sleep till after 2 a.m. I am so sick of all this.There is no point in talking about the same old things over and over again if it's going to happen in the same damned pattern the next weekend. What is wrong with saying "whatever" and walking away rather than staying to have another fight? It's the same old bloody rubbish anyway..AAARRRGGHH!!

I just want to run off somewhere peaceful and happy...Away, away from all this. This sucks big time. Things and people that make me happy make him unhappy. So how? He doesn't really make me happy nowadays.. Now and then still ok, nice little moments but the crap is getting more and more.. I think I'm going mad! And the worst part is, I'm feeling guilty about making myself happy. But I refuse to give up the people I care about and I am not going back to what I was. Am happier being more independent and not wanting him around all the time. Sometimes nowadays, I don't want him around at all.. cause I know I'll have a good time without a huge bloody drama at the end of it...Maybe that's why I feel guilty.. because I enjoy him not being around. Crap, crap, crap!!! How?

Sigh, I really dunno lar...berconfused as hell. You know what? Fuck it! Am going to apply my usual..Leave it alone and move on because thinking about it solves nothing.. better to do things that make me happy.. Hopefully can ler

Back at work again. Damn slack to wake up in the morning.. Was super duper late, lucky got excuse cos I had to send materials to Ernst & Young in Milenium for Tianna. Only got in at like 10.30.. oops Heheheheee

Actually feels quite nice to be back in the office. Have my computer and my emails, Friendster, Multiply and all that.. plus I can be alone with my own thoughts for a bit. The hols were nice but was starting to feel a little bit claustrophobic towards the last day or so. Too much Pete perhaps, or perhaps the fight and drama on Monday night... yup, another one. Tell you the truth, it's getting really tiring and am starting to predict when we'll fight and what about. Scary thing is, haven't been wrong yet..but oh well..what to do? This time round it got a lil' bit ugly, but never mind about that. It's over and peace has been restored.

Had lunch in House and Co with Justin and Sue Lynn. Yums food and great company. Miss Jus when I don't see him or talk to him for extended periods of time, so today was good, altho we were talking a bit about my Monday night ( or should I say Tuesday morning) drama. Sigh...to admit truthfully, I miss Jus lot's, but then so what right? Will be ok in a bit...I'm probably just a little bit depressed and it's the usual case of things looking better when you aren't actually in it. Besides, we've moved so far away from where we were before..better like this now.

Sue Lynn finally moved rooms and got it painted yesterday but no furniture.. Can't wait to see the room though. Purple and green sounds interesting..Decorate, decorate , decorate.. I swear we're such girlies when it comes to these things that it's not funny. Let's see if I can find some nice stuff for her for Chrissy..

Long weekend was pretty good overall, though I did enjoy Mambo Jambo more. Bangsar after work on Friday was nice too. Sue Lynn tagged along and went on promoter girl rounds with me, then TSB after for some Sex on the Beach, which was quite yummy, and strong. Phoebe came later then Jus and Henry. Quite fun except for some major sms war with Pete WHILE I was working. Someone wasn't to happy that I had to work.. Whatever right? Besides he was asleep by the time I got home, so no worries. Think he said he was upset cause I went to Jason's Dad's wake with my brother.. DUH! He had the open house right? Never mind la.. over and done with.
Saturday was Poppy/Passion which was nice too. It was after Previn's open house ( curry, curry and more curry). Not so hectic night but fun enough. Wei Fong sent us all home and he drove like a snail all the way back to Phoebe's house.. Sue Lynn and I were sleeping by the time he got to her house.. Took like 1 hour.. Dunno what the boy was doing.. Cruising all the way..Then agian, he was a happy camper all night long cause he got laid the night before. Boys are strange. That's all I'm gonna say on the topic.

Sunday was 2 Raya open houses. 1 Pete's friend and 1 Nani's. Nani's was nice. She looks so fab after not working for 2 months. Engagement is in December and wedding is in March, then she's gonna try to have a baby. Cool Was nice to yak with TJ and Yee Ling too and get this, she's going to work in Mindshare Vietnam, how awesome! Expat package and all. HoChi Minh city with all it's little nooks and crannies. So exciting...Nighttime was dinner wiht Mummy at a Korean place in Hartamas. Nice food and too many waiters la.. then home to be a veggy.. Need sleep
Monday before drama was Velvet for Ghetto Heaven, then Barcode for afters. Nice I guess. A bit tipsy, so nice, reach happy place early.. Bumped into Mars and Sam there too. Been ages since I spoke to Mars, and he hasn't changed a single bit. Still camp as hell! Even danced with Juliana there.. Guess everyone headed ot the same place. Lucky we didn't try Zouk tho. Super crowded becoz of Armin Van Buren ( i think it was him, if not some other DJ).

Tuesday was a total washout, waste of a day. Post drama ( no sleep till 7 a.m.) very tired and not too happy with Pete, plus had to clean up the zoo disaster ( flood in the Kitty area and no food for the Buns). Not good at all. Wanted to meet up with Jus and Henry is Centerpoint but just couldn't muster the energy. Finally had a 20 minut catnap at 7.15 p.m but couldn't wake up after. Soooo tired of everything, then had to rush for Johan's open house. Decided to wear my new dress and make myself look pretty. Enough of the puffy eyed, just cried look..Pete was suitably impressed, although I was thinking why he was so nice today. Probably feeling guilty.. Whatever.. Johan's was fun enough. Wei Fong and some of the rest being overgrown kids with firework, lot's of yummy red wine and some nice conversation with Weng Leong, then everyone else later ( after the fireworks)..

Home late, at almost 2 a.m then straight to bed. Didn't prevent today's Panda eyes tho.. gonna split now. Dinner at mummy's . She's making my favourite sambal cencaru fishy Laterz

Quiet day.. office is like a ghost town.. Still got a bit of stuff to do though. Just found out today that I've got to work tonight. Bummer. Following the promoters around again..Pete's not too happy. Wanted me to go with him to Mayat's place tonight.. Then again, he just told me about an hour ago..What to do..If finish early then I'll meet up with the girls. Am not going all the way to Puchong by myself for Mayat's thing.. Too far and I don't remember how to get there.. At least the rounds tonight are in Bangsar and Hartamas and not Sunway.
Had yummy lunch with the gals, Isky n Chooz today. Sugimoto.. Yum Yummy Jap food...lazy, lazy day.. Now if only I didn't have to work . Mambo Jambo on Wednesday night was awesome too. Lotsa, lotsa fun. Had a look at the pics on Phoebe's cam over lunch.. We had fun and not too drunk .. just happily high
Was a different vibe from the usual Mambo Jambo in Velvet tho. Velvet's actually better but hey, good crowd ( or should I say super crowded). We were all doing the walkabout thing cos there were so many ppl everyone knew. Went with sweetie and that's always fun..So hung with him and his friends downstairs, the girls, Henry, Karlvin, Isky upstairs and Andrew's table for a lil while too..Even saw Aaron there and I never ever bump into Aaron when we're out .. Go figure..
Barcode was after Mambo, but that was truly terrible.. Went in to use the bathroom and that's it.. So crowded and so BENG!!! Not funny at all. At least was still slightly tipsy so wasn't so bad. We stayed for a grand total of 5 minutes anyway.. Then headed home.. and I will admit, I'm truly, truly karat beyond redemption..Hahahhaa.. Had my shower, then fixed 2 chicken wings for supper and had a nice smokie all to myself in the living room, in my pjs.. Oh yeah, and caught the end of Jumanji on Astro.. Strange hmm, since I watched the start at 7 something before going out.. but whatever.. Lovely night overall..Will upload some pics once Pipi sends them to us ...
Have some other pics tho, from last Friday at Poppy and Saturday at Rush..

Ever notice that you only get sick when you're looking forward to something fun, or there are holidays coming up.There've been countless tales of woe; of food poisoning while on holiday, sprained ankles just before having to go on a winery walkabout ( personal experience here, Jus will vouch for this one ). Yup, am coming down with a major league flu.. All the signs are there.. the clogged nose on the way to being an infection, the sandpapery throat and cough, the blur, cotton wool head.. Everything is here except the fever.. Should be along anytime soon.. Which is why I'm gonna be pro-active this time and zap this bugger before it even starts. Am going to the DOCTOR.. which I almost never do.. But hey, have a lot of plans for this long weekend..
Yesterday was pretty good too . Peaceful and happy..which is good. Maybe being a bubble head is healthier than my usual worry about everything mode..Funny thing happened , the lovely bunch of people who are my Clients have screwed up royally... Mismanaged funds so there's no more moolah for anything til January..Hahahaaa , right at peak season. Wonder who's head's gonna roll for this one? On our end, all works stops as of today and everything in pipeline is frozen til further notice. Essentially, we've got fuck all to do til after Christmas..Don't know if this is good or bad cos no billings means we don't meet our projections which means no bonus.. Then again, am about 2 months old here so no bonus anyway.. same diff
Popped by Ikea with my sweetie earlier today… we went off to survey furniture and closets. Sweetie was also talking about when he gets his own apartment and when I can come over to stay.. Ha hahahaa.. Sounds good. Let's see how it goes shall we
Dinner was surprisingly nice, except for the institutional looking tables. Felt like I was back in my school canteen except they were nicer tables, no graffiti and strange sexual drawings . Had dessert in Gusto's after. Gelato was yummy, pancake was not... Tasted like solidified wallpaper paste. Shud've just stuck with the gelato. The place was nice though. Sweetie's suggestion cos it's kinda cosy and romantic.. which it was .
So nice to see my sweetie again after so long and it was a lovely, relaxing stroll and evening. It's always good to hang out with Sue Lynn as well, and surprisingly, I missed Marcus a lil bit too.
Home to do laundry, deal with the zoo,and all that. Kinda nice to be at home alone in the apartment though it was a bit quiet without Pete ( and Wei Fong) and the way they blast the TV at top volume when they're home. Of course the dish Pete promised to wash before leaving for Phuket was still in the sink but never mind, was only one dish. Miss him being around, but peace and quiet is nice too. Will probably think it's too quiet in a couple of days, but by then he'll be back. Besides, am gonna be out a lot.. provided I get better like really soon.
Have decided am strange.. well perhaps strange is not the word. Contradiction I think, would be more apt. When Pete's around, I sometimes feel a little crowded, like I can't really be myself or do my own thing. This is only sometimes though. Other times, I love him being around, but in the past 2 months it's been a bit like walking on eggshells cos of his moods. Really stressful but at the same time, can't imagine what my life would be like if he wasn't around. Now he's away, I'm enjoying the peace and being able to do my own thing. That's really cool.. but like I said, it's going to be a bit too quiet in a couple of days, unless am out. It's nice to be able to hang out with my sweetie and Sue Lynn and whoever else I want to, without worrying what time I need to get home and all that.. except to meet the voracious demands of the zoo... Oh well, life goes on.. make the best of what we have right.. So am going to enjoy myself and be indulgent and happy this whole week
Ok, am off to the doc's. I need to be healthy !

Sleepy, sleepy.. wanna go home, TGIF..Had fun last night though.Went to Ghetto Heaven. Not an awesome party but good for some laughs on a Thursday night. Then again, being out with friends is always good
Am experimenting with this whole blog thing...Kinda a fun to play around with, though the possibility of my innermost thoughts on display for all and sundry still seems a little strange... But I'm sure my mental diarrhea will kick in at some point then there'll be no stopping me.
It's been a strange day. Calm to the point of making me catatonic... Then again, after the blow ups the past 2 days, this is actually exactly what I need Think I'll be fluffy and bubble headed for today and leave tomorrow for my usual worries and things...Yes, I think I will.
Got some really cute pics of some of the denizen's of Cyn's zoo.Just managed to catch them while they're sleepy and lazy.. Cute hmm? Am not really a cat person per se, but these guys needed a home and let's face it, I needed someone or something to fuss over.. Win: Win situation

Sometimes I really wonder about this thing we call life, or maybe it's more of what we call love. I don't really know. There are so many thoughts and feelings running through my head at this point in time. I don't even know where to begin to sort them out.

Most of us spend our lives in the pursuit of love. Even if we refuse to admit to it. Maybe it’s not love in the romantic sense. It’s more of the affection and comfort we all remember from childhood. When we become older, we find that we have to move away from the comforts of childhood and our parents love for us as children. We slowly assume adult responsibilities and are expected to not need as much comfort and security as before. As a matter of fact, we are supposed to be pretty much self-sufficient. In time, we take over the roles of provider and caretaker of our parents in the age-old cycle of life.

But then I wonder. What about that needy little child that remains inside all of us… what so-called psychobabble terms your inner child? We will never get over our need to be cherished, loved and secure. These are things that you cannot create for yourself but have to get from another person.

So, we seem to spend our whole lives searching for that person or persons to fulfill that role. It’s sort of like parental love but more. We always need and want more because we assume more responsibilities and do more. I agree that this is a weak point, but then it’s human nature to feel a sense of entitlement for our achievements, therefore the more we achieve, the more we feel entitled to.

Now back to love…. This is one thing I’m pretty confused about. I guess everyone else in my age group and beyond is as well. I am trying to hang on to my dreams and ideals about love and your so called soul mate or significant other, no doubt brought about by a surfeit of paperback romance novels and mushy girly movies, but at times, it’s a bit of a stretch. But I digress… I started this with something to say so I might as well get to the point….

I’ve always thought that eventually, I’d find that perfect someone that I’d fall in love with and stay in love with for the rest of my life. True, we’d have our ups and downs but there would always be love and that would be enough to get us through anything however big or small. At this point in time however, I’m starting to wonder if this is true? Is loving someone really enough to keep a relationship going indefinitely?

On a bad day, when pessimism overwhelms my thoughts and outlook, I’d say no. No matter how much you love someone, sometimes it isn’t enough. You do all the things you are supposed to do, say all the right things, and still it doesn’t work. You wonder what else to do, but can’t come up with anything. Things change and there is nothing you can do to stop it…. You just sit and wait for the explosion that marks the death of a relationship… sometimes you don’t even get the explosion…. Just a quiet whimper of hopelessness and it’s gone… all the bright shiny hopes and dreams turned to dust beneath the endless grind of everyday….

On a good day though, there is a glimmer of hope.. the hope that all of us are put on this planet as a half of a whole and that if you keep at it and hang in there, you will meet the person that is meant just for you who fills in all the little things you aren’t and makes you whole and better than the sum of yourself. True, I’m not so idealistic as to imagine that this is a simple process… No, it’s something that you work at each and every day of your life. But with a reward such as a true soul mate that lets you fly free, all the work certainly seems worth it.

I just wish for a moment that I could be sure that the optimistic view of love that I choose most of the time is the right one.. I would like to know that there is just one person or one couple who have actually found their soul mate who will last them through this life and more. I have yet to meet two such people and I wonder if I ever will.

Is suppose until I meet someone who has found a soul mate of I actually find someone like that myself, I’ll just have to keep on dreaming and hoping, perhaps in vain. But then, if I can’t have the real thing, the next best thing is to dream about it, right?

I've crossed over to the dark side!! Sue Lynn finally persuaded me to start one of these...